“The Voice of Pine Ridge”
The radio station storyline actually ran two different times, with slight variations. The first one began on April 7, 1947. Lum and Abner recycled the plot beginning on February 17, 1953.
Lum: From the studios of station VPR located in the Pink Room of the Jot ‘Em Down Store…
Abner: Huh?
Lum: …we bring you “Pine Ridge on Parade” as saw through the eyes of Pine Ridge’s best knowed, best loved, best learnt columnist…
Abner: Lum Ed’ards!
Lum: Featuring news, views and in-reviews of famous Pine Ridge celeebrities by…
Abner: Lum Ed’ards!
Lum: Brang to you through the courtesy of Eugene Blevins, local carpenter.
(Gong!)
Abner: Does your roof leak lately?
(Honk!)
Grandpap: Get Eugene Blevins!
Abner: Are your porch steps saggin’?
(Honk!)
Grandpap: Get Eugene Blevins!
Abner: Is your shutters slappin’?
(Honk!)
Grandpap: Get Eugene Blevins!
Abner: Is your chicken coop a wreck? Has it been broken or gnawed in two by varmints?
(Honk!)
Grandpap: Dad-blame it! Get Eugene Blevins!
Abner : Yes, get Eugene Blevins for any odd jobs you want did around your place. He does the oddest jobs of anybody in town. And, now, here is the dumb major…
Lum: Drum! Drum major, it is.
Abner: Oh! …the drum major of the passin’ parade.
(Honk!)
Lum: Don’t blow that thing now.
Abner: Oh. ‘Scuse me.
Lum: And a good, good mornin’ to all my friends of radio land, and hello to you from Pine Ridge. Flash! Intimate notes from my little black and blue book. Clarabelle Ceestrunk, local debatant, was saw yesterdee at Ed Beckley’s sody fountain with Gomer Bates. Her boyfriend, Cedric Weehunt, was also there.
Abner: Well!
Lum: Eli White was saw on the street yesterdee. Hello, Eli! Scoop! Who taken supper with who at what restaurant what night this week? And re-collect it was me who predicted this a week ago.
Abner: First time I’ve heared the details!
Lum: Orchids to Miz Elsie Pomroy for having the best-swept front yard in town.
Abner: Hmm!
Lum: Her front walk is outlined with as fine a collection of snuff bottles as this reporter has ever saw. Congratulations, Elsie!
