Midwest Economy Travel Agency

Episode from September 7, 1942. Listen online.

Lum: Well, howdy, Mousey.

Mousey: Hello, Lum.

Lum: Are you figurin’ on takin’ a trip, too?

Mousey: No, sir.

Lum: Well, what’re you doin’ here at the travel bureau, then?

Mousey: You see, I work here, Lum.

Lum: Well, I do know. Good for you, Mousey! Uh… where abouts is the manager? I need to speak to him.

Mousey: Well, you’re speakin’ to him right now, Lum.

Lum: Huh?

Mousey: I’m the manager.

Lum: You are?!

Mousey: Yessir. See, we just opened up this mornin’, Lum, and already this office seems just like a mother to me.

Lum: That don’t s’prise me none.

Mousey: Oh, I just love the rugged life of a travel agency, Lum.

Lum: Well, tell me, Mousey, do you actual have all these trips all planned out? A streamlined bus and all that stuff?

Mousey: Yessir. See, all you do, Lum, is just pay one price and that includes your meals and lodging and ever’thing.

Lum: Well, if that’s actual so, that sounds pretty good. Where do these trips of yours take a fella?

Mousey: Oh, we go ever’where, Lum. All over the country. Uh… let me run through some of our files here and make some suggestions.

Lum: Yeah. Yeah. Run through your files there. I’m curious to know where all you go.

Mousey: Well, now, here’s one. You could take Trip 16-B, or 21-K… 51-F… 85-M… 49-L…

Lum: Well, I can’t tell anything by them numbers.

Mousey: Well, that’s the numbers of the different trips, Lum. That shows where all they go. 23-W… 62-F… 37-J….

Lum: Well, where does some of ’em go?

Mousey: Oh, California… Florida… rock-bound coast of Maine… pine-covered hills of Oregon… ever’where, Lum.

Lum: Well, let’s see. This is fun. I b’lieve we’ll take 73-W. Sounds like a good ‘un.

Mousey: Uh, did you say 73-W?

Lum: Yeah. Where does that ‘un go to?

Mousey: Well, we recommend 16-B.

Lum: Well, I don’t think I’d want that ‘un. Doesn’t sound so good. I want that 73-W.

Mousey: Uh, you’ll find that 16-B is awful delightful.

Lum: Well, I don’t care. I want that 73-W or none at all.

Mousey: Well, all right, but it’ll sound a lot like 16-B.

Lum: A lot like it?

Mousey: I’m ‘fraid it will. Let’s see now. Here’s the folder on it, Lum. The Midwest Economy Travel Tour Number 16-B. Price: $6.95. Isn’t that reasonable, Lum?

Lum: Yeah, but just a minute. I told you I didn’t want 16-B.

Mousey: Well, I’m ‘fraid you’ll have to take that, Lum. See, it’s our best one. Well, in fact, it’s the only one we’ve got planned out so far.

Lum: Oh. I see. I orta figured somethin’ like that. Well, where’bouts does this ‘un take us, 16-B?

Mousey: Clear to Cherry Hill and back!

Lum: Cherry Hill?! Grannies, we wanna go somewheres further than Cherry Hill on our vacate.

Mousey: Well, it’ll seem farther when you travel with us, Lum.

Lum: I wouldn’t be surpised. But, we don’t want that trip.

Mousey: You’ll find it’s very delightful. Just listen to the folder here on it, Lum. The Midwest Economy Streamlined Bus leaves picturesque Pine Ridge at 6:30 a.m. We recommend that all passengers be here not later than 6:15 attired in suitable traveling clothes, including overcoat…

Lum: Overcoat?! At this time of the year?

Mousey: Yessir. You see, uh, the bus is sort of an open bus, I guess you’d call it. More fresh air that-a way. It’s healthier and you get the sunshine and the fresh air.

Lum: Oh, yeah. Well, I think I’ve heared enough, Mousey. I better get back to the store.

Mousey: Well, wait a minute, Lum.You wanna hear all of this. We also recommend that all passengers pack a light lunch…

Lum: Light lunch?! I thought you said that one price included the meals, too.

Mousey: It does, Lum. But, well, confidentially, I wanna tell you the truth about this. Gussie isn’t a very good cook. I’d pack my own lunch if I were you.

Lum: Oh, I see. Your woman fixes the meals. That’s all I need to know. Well, I’ll drop in and see you some other time.

Mousey: Wait a minute, though, Lum. I’m just getting down to the good part now.

Lum: Anything would sound good now. Go ahead.

Mousey: Let’s see now. Where was I? Oh, yes. We leave picturesque Pine Ridge at 6:30 a.m. and spin down the beautiful highway. The rosy colored morning sun filtering through the verdent green leaves…

Lum: That’s a different way than I’ve ever went to Cherry Hill. I can say that.

Mousey: At 6:45 our jolly band halts for a brief sight-seeing trip around picturesque Red Rock Quarry.

Lum: Red Rock Quarry?!

Mousey: Yessir. You know where that is, don’t you, Lum?

Lum: Why, sure I do. I don’t wanna stop and look at that thing. It’s nothin’ but a hole in the ground. Besides, I’ve saw it a hundred or a thousand times.

Mousey: Well, it isn’t particularly interesting, I don’t guess, Lum. But this stop is more or less of a precautionary measure.

Lum: It’s a what?

Mousey: Well, see, this gives the bus driver a chance to look over the tires. See our tires aren’t very good, Lum.

Lum: They ain’t, huh?

Mousey: No. We’ve got two spares. There’s nothin’ to worry about. Well, let’s see, I’ll continue here. Our jolly band spins on down the highway and at 7:10 we pause briefly at picturesque Old Mac’s Filling Station.

Lum: Fillin’ Station?! Are we out of gas already?

Mousey: Well, no sir. This is just another precautionary measure. It gives the driver a chance to put air in the tires that has a slow leak in them. Our gay party speeds on down the broad highway pausing briefly at 7:30 to view the picturesque silo on Ned Lubbock’s farm.

Lum: Another ‘cautionary measure, huh?

Mousey: Yes sir. At 8:15 our holiday band halts at delightful, historical Elderberry Grove for a happy picnic lunch…

Lum: Lunch?! At 8:15 in the mornin’?

Mousey: Well, you might as well be doin’ somethin’ while our driver changes tires.

Lum: Well, how do you know he’s gonna have a flat tire right there?

Mousey: Well, he’s bound to. See, we tested this all out, Lum, and, well, we had a blowout right there. This is no fly-by-night scheme, Lum. It’s all scientifically planned.

Lum: Yeah. I can see that.

Mousey: At 9:15 we resume our carefree journey singing many old favorites as we spin down the beautiful highway…

Lum: Wait a minute, Mousey. No use readin’ any more of that travel folder ’cause we ain’t gonna take that Trip 16-B. I can tell you that right now.

Mousey: Well, Lum, you’ll enjoy it’s many breath-taking sights.

Lum: I’ve already saw most of ’em.

Mousey: You’ll toss cares to the wind and meet interesting new people, Lum.

Lum: We will, huh?

Mousey: Yessir. We need the money awful bad, too, Lum.

Lum: You do?

Mousey: Yessir.

Lum: Well, I don’t know. In that case, we might consider it, maybe.

Mousey: Would you really?

Lum: Just for one day, though. We don’t want this to ruin our whole vacate.

Mousey: That’s wonderful, Lum. We’ll give you a special rate. You’re our first customer.

Lum: No, don’t do that. Long as you need the money, you better charge us full price.

Cedric: (Coming in.) Well, wonderful world! Oh, hello, Mr. Lum. What’re you doin’ here?

Mousey: Well, he’s just signed up for Trip 16-B, Cedric. Isn’t that wonderful?

Cedric: Yes mom. Uh, can I see you alone for a minute, Mr. Mousey?

Mousey: Alone? Why, I guess so. Will you excuse us, Lum?

Lum: Yeah. Go ahead. (Cedric and Mousey whispering.)

Mousey: Uh, Lum. I’m afraid that you can’t take Trip 16-B.

Lum: I can’t? Why not?

Mousey: Well, my bus driver just now informed me that he’s blown out three more tires.

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